2022 has seen the meme-ification of movies like Morbius and Minions: The Rise of Gru. However, nothing could have prepared the world for an experience as unique as Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile. This musical comedy features Shawn Mendes as a singing crocodile named Lyle who lives in a Manhattan apartment. When a family moves into the apartment, their worlds are turned upside down in an adventure filled with pop songs, subpar CGI, and the most conventional story ever told. There are not enough words to describe whatever the hell this movie was.
We’ve seen stories about a boy and his dog. We’ve seen stories about a boy and his robot. Now, get ready for a story about a boy and his crocodile. The film introduces us to Lyle after he is discovered by Hector P. Valenti, a charismatic magician portrayed by Oscar-winning actor Javier Bardem. After his acclaimed performance as a psychopathic murderer in No Country for Old Men and fresh off his Oscar-nominated performance in Being the Ricardos, Bardem shows up as a singing, vibrant showman in an against-type role. How did this happen? I cannot begin to tell you how incredible it is that Bardem agreed to do this project, but he certainly acts his heart out in this film.
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile then introduces the family to us. We have our parents played by Constance Wu and Scoot McNairy, and their son, Josh (Winslow Fegley), a neurotic child moving into New York City. He gets the most stereotypical, clichéd introduction ever as the new kid in school who eats his lunch alone, and nobody pays attention to him. He gets picked on, and all he wants is a friend. But luckily for him, a singing crocodile is living in his attic. After one or two adventures, Josh and Lyle become best friends. Unfortunately, their friendship does not feel eased into or natural, as they only reach this point because the screenplay dictates it.
However, there are so many issues with the execution of these ideas that everything becomes comical. For example, there should be a law against scenes where humans discover strange CGI creatures in their homes, and they shriek at each other. We saw this in Sonic the Hedgehog, in Clifford the Big Red Dog, and we get it again with Wu’s character stumbling across Lyle taking a bath. As a matter of fact, the whole movie is unbelievably formulaic and predictable. I knew what the entire film would be about before it even began because it is a retread of every other family film with this concept.
We got Clifford the Big Red Dog less than a year before this movie — another poorly written family film that tells a story nearly identical to this one. Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile is unique because it is about a live, singing crocodile interacting with real humans. That being said, this concept does not work at all. Firstly, Shawn Mendes’s infamous pop song voice coming out of a crocodile looks laughable. It doesn’t look or sound right because the voice and character design simply do not match. Secondly, Lyle does not speak a word of dialogue in this film. Nearly everything that comes out of his mouth is part of the movie’s soundtrack. It feels less like a film and more like a cinematic adaptation of a Shawn Mendes album, with a giant crocodile thrown into the mix.
You won’t believe your eyes as you watch this insane film. This doesn’t even feel like a real movie. It feels like a fever dream or a parody of a real movie. Like a fake movie playing on TV in the background of an actual movie scene. Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile is beyond hilarious in the most ironic way possible. While it’s the worst movie of the year, my jaw dropped multiple times and I had the goofiest grin. The story beats are ridiculous, and it feels like the movie never sets up any genuine character drama, instead shoehorning bits of it in one at a time.
Furthermore, the film has Josh meet someone at school named Kara Delaney (Lyric Hurd). She shows up at the beginning to send Josh a friend request, disappears entirely for about an hour, and then shows up again, appearing to be friends with Josh. I get the impression that she had many scenes cut out, because her character serves no purpose in the story except to help Josh once in the film’s final act. The writing is so poor that it can sometimes feel like the actors don’t even believe the dialogue coming out of their mouths. This may be one of the most absurd experiences I’ve ever had because it’s rare that I watch a movie that’s utterly terrible, but it also may be one of the most incredible things I’ve ever witnessed.
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile may be a masterpiece. It’s brilliant in its own way. The songs are written by Pasek and Paul, two incredibly talented songwriters known for their work in La La Land, The Greatest Showman, and Dear Evan Hansen. Their songs are the strongest part of this movie, as there are a few catchy ones, but this is a film with lackluster direction and musical numbers. This is the perfect movie for both children and intoxicated adults. Would you like to watch a live crocodile sitting in a courtroom? Yes, you absolutely would. Look no further than this masterpiece of an atrocity.
SCORE: 2/10
As ComingSoon’s review policy explains, a score of 2 equates to “Terrible.” The film is almost irredeemable, and is likely a waste of time for almost everyone involved.
Disclosure: The critic attended the world premiere for ComingSoon’s Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile review.
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