Place your bets.
Today is a very special day in horror land, as April 13, 2022 marks the ten year anniversary of Drew Goddard’s classic The Cabin in the Woods! In honor of the momentous title, I went ahead and selected what I deem as the eight most horrifying monsters unleashed in the film’s outrageous and blood-soaked third act. While we all love and admire the Redneck Zombie Torture Family, they received more than enough face time in the film. Instead, I’m running down the monsters who we only received a glimpse of during the Facility purge.
From Merman to the Hell Lord, here are the scariest and most messed-up monsters seen in the finale of The Cabin in the Woods. For stat’s sake, I’ve also included if the characters were seen on the film’s infamous whiteboard, and which Facility department placed their bets on them, if any.
Let’s go:
The Doctors
These are a pair of presumably human men dressed up in white surgical suits and aprons. They also have masks and hair caps that are actually stitched into their skin, adding to their macabre and hellishly medical appearance. The Doctors are blood-spattered and come equipped with medical bags filled with surgical tools to perform torturous experiments. These dudes are evil, sadasitic, and out for blood. The Doctors are listed on the whiteboard and are bet on by the Accounting department. I can’t figure out which basement item summons these two.
Merman
One of the classic Facility monsters, the Merman was bet on by Steve only because he had never actually seen the creature before. Not to worry, he will. The Merman appears as a half human and half fish monstrosity; his mouth huge and chock full of sharp, nasty little teeth. There’s also a gross blowhole on his back which spews out blood while he devours his victims. The Merman was nearly summoned by Curt when he came close to blowing a conch shell found in the cabin’s cellar.
Fornicus, Lord of Bondage & Pain
Listed on the Whiteboard as simply Hell Lord, Fornicus is clearly an homage to Pinhead from the Hellraiser films. He is bet on by Gary and appears a number of times in the final act of the film. Fornicus is nearly released during the basement sequence when Curt finds a spherical puzzle orb, not so different from the Lament Configuration from Hellraiser. When Marty and Dana come across the character while traveling by the countless cube chambers, Dana recognizes his cube puzzle as familiar.
The Clown
The Clown is a murderous human figure appearing in the purge sequence a number of times. He can be summoned in the cabin’s basement by tampering with a fortune-telling machine and is bet on via the whiteboard by Electrical. His weapon of choice is a terrifying knife with which he guts his victims while laughing. He’s not a good dude. You can catch him on security cam laughing like a villain during the purge scene. Appearance wise, he’s a regular average clown with red hair and white face paint.
Dismemberment Goblins
These bad boys appear numerous times during the purge. While the Dismemberment Goblins are small in size, they’re big in brutality. One red, one green, these little goblins enjoy tearing apart their victims by the arms and legs. With chains wrapped around their bodies, presumably to help them with their rough dismembering, they’re definitely not the baddies I’d want to summon in that basement. These guys make the whiteboard, but alas have no takers. They’re likely summoned by the chains seen in the cellar.
The Suffocator
The dude is big, angry, bearded, and ready to end some lives. The Suffocator is not actually listed on the whiteboard but does make a number of apperances, including a brief appearance in his holding cell. His face is covered in a plastic bag, similar to the style which he uses to suffocate his victims with violently. While he’s human in appearance, he’s likely still a monster as there’s plastic bag in the cabin cellar with his name on it. Figuratively.
Angry Molesting Tree
One of the many Evil Dead references visible in Cabin In the Woods, the Angry Molesting Tree has numerous appearances. Noted as AMT on the whiteboard, the tree appears without any leaves and moves slowly and crudely. This monster is bet on by the Wrangler department and gets plenty of screen time during the facility purge sequence. While I’d rather not fully speculate how this beast murders its victims, I can safely assume its name gives some clear indication.
The Dolls
While the dolls appear to be human in appearance, they are fully monstrous when it comes to killing their victims. Likely inspired by killers in The Strangers, the dolls are a group of humans dressed in black and wearing creepy white doll masks. The Dolls work as a team and are seen in the process of setting their victims on fire with gasoline and matches. One of them has a switchblade but never uses it. The Dolls appear on the whiteboard and are bet on by the Kitchen Staff. They are summoned in the cabin cellar by a white mask that looks exactly like the ones they wear.
